I’m a bona fide celebrity, yet here I am, ‘introducing myself’… if you want to know who I am, call the Groucho Club, they know me.

I don’t really like throwing the word ‘celebrity’ around because, let’s face it, that word has become associated with reality TV stars with no more talent than my little finger… and I don’t have fingers!
I’m not like them. I come from a different generation, a generation where to be a celebrity meant to be someone who is celebrated, someone who has achieved something worthy.

The famous novelist Philip Roth once said “to become a celebrity is to become a brand name”, and that’s exactly what I am.

I’ve attended RADA, performed on stage, qualified for the Olympics, trodden the boards with some of the best (McKellen would be nothing without me), starred in my own film, allowed Jonny to appear alongside me, and provided heroic inspiration for the main character in those famous James Bond and the Make Me More Money books, but I decided it was time to take the next step and become a brand.

I used to be over at ITV Digital but after a while I left because of creative differences (basically they couldn’t handle my fame and couldn’t afford a big enough dressing room) and found a new home fronting up the world-renowned PG Tips ads.
I’ve been approached by hundreds of companies wanting me to represent them on all sorts of stuff but I’m taking my time in deciding because I want to make sure that, like me, my licensees are the absolute best.

I’d write more but I’ve got to dash, I’ve got a flight to LA in a few hours and I want to mingle in the Gold Members’ lounge first.

Monkey © & TM, Comic Relief Ltd.